I just started thinking, but its been 9 years, a month, and 5 days since I came out as bisexual to my friends, as a freshmen in high school. I can’t believe how long it’s been. It doesn’t seem that long ago but then it feels like forever. After all this time too and I’ve never been in a relationship when “I have so many options” :P lol not really, but I don’t mind, I could care less for relationships. Being friends with people is more important to me.

So Palm Springs Pride was this weekend and went to the parade and then the festival. It was fun to some level … For the parade I sat alone until I realized I was sitting in front of a friends mom so that wasn’t too bad and got beads and stuff from the people walking by and took pictures XD (which I’m going to have to upload later since I can only do one at a time through the app)

Then when the parade was over one of the high school kiddies I took with me to march in the parade came back, while everyone else was already on their way to the festival, so I took her with me to the festival and met up with all the other kiddies. Sucks being the only one 21 and over but 2 hours later my lesbian lover came and we got our drink on :P

With her there I felt like things were better cuz then I didn’t have to be responsible for the kids lol we walked around, looked at booths, but mostly spent the time near the karaoke booth because of the kids.

A little later we saw The Limousines which is an awesome band from San Fran and she even got a picture with one … After we got some food and some one came up to us and asked if we were bored that his band was goin to be playing in 30 mins and it turns out it was someone that went to high school with us but was her class haha so it was a local band and they were really good they call themselves The Lunar Atlantic.

But all in all I had fun, I know i complained about the kids a lot HAHA but if it wasnt also for them needing someone to give them a lift i probably wouldnt have gone to the parade and just slept in :/ haha so its a good thing i like helping people out XD but I wish I could have gone Saturday too but oh well there’s always next year :3

And that was leaving work, i was talking to a fellow coworker and manager, we talk about random things after work whenever it usually is the three of us closing, but one topic lead to another and one was how one girl coworker (1) hangs out with another girl coworker (2) and that’s why girl coworker one may start “acting” more lesbian like because girl coworker two is “lesbian”. I corrected saying I heard she was bi, one said “same thing” and the other said “she doesn’t know yet she’s still in high school” this also brought up another coworker who’s a guy and is gay (at least from my understanding he is) but since he’s also in high school he can’t be gay, and this was said for both “how can they know if they never kissed so and so gender”. I felt shivers throughout my body, I mean seriously you’re saying this in front of me someone who is bisexual and has never done anything with anyone saying that its possible that idk who I like and that I’m still undecided, that my sexual identity doesn’t exist. I came out in 9th grade freshmen in high school March 13th of 2005 to my friends saying I’m bisexual and that hasn’t change since this day, all the complicated thoughts since i was little leading up to that point and still to this day of weather or not I should do IT, but choose to fight for myself because it is who I am.

I wanted to leave so I just said I was tired, after all I was just getting off work, but I didn’t say anything to them. How could they understand how it is to be queer or think differently , oh shit do I like the same gender naw it’s just a phase, uuggghhhh and tonight was just the perfect weather and setting to play some depressing music as I drove home. I hate my life sometimes but just got to stick it through. :/

Well it was awesome lol … Didn’t get to see the parade but saw one float so that counts enough as a parade for me :3 .. But being inside where the festival is held was pretty awesome it was huge, didn’t think it was going to be that big. Didn’t really buy anything except for a small bi flag which only one place had .. No bi booths TT^TT lol but that’s okay .. And also bought this necklace with some charms, got to pick out 5 charms that I wanted to put on it so well I’ll upload a pic I just took right now haha , so definitely for next year I’ll try finding a hotel so there’s no worry on driving home right away and can spend some time checking out the nightlife after all I’m nocturnal lol
Also to say it was well worth it to go glad I went … And the only part that got a sun burn were my ears and that was my fault I forgot to put sun screen on them D:

In 5 hours I’ll be on my way to get ready for my first pride parade tomorrow at San Diego pride … I don’t know what I’ll encounter or who I will meet but nonetheless I’m excited to go and experience it… I’m hoping I’ll find some bi pride booths, I’m sure I will because I’ve seen some pics of one from the LA pride … I can’t wait :D plus I’ll be with chayecabbit.tumblr.com XD

I just don’t see it in my life. Whoever I start liking Just ends with complications. I just can’t pursue anyone anymore.  I’ll love them as a friend as much as i can but that’s all it will ever peek. I’ll never be able to explain to those people how much I cared. All the heartache and thoughts i went through just to damage myself to this point.  I do say this now of course that I will never feel love or want it around me anymore but give me time and I’m sure I can feel what I once use to be. 

Like seriously at a friends party that he invited me too and there are these 2 guys that I am meeting for the first time one is gay and one straight but the straight guy gets “Heteroflexable” whatever te fuck that means which I just found out what it means tonight and well the curse I would say is that I fall for the straight guys but can’t even feel anything for the gay guy lol I feel bad like maybe I could have gotten laid for the first time and lost my virginity but I am a hopeless romantic and just can’t see myself being like that … Even though the heterofelxiable guy was about to kiss me and I wanted to but I refused … Oh how I live a complicated life that I lothe :/ …. Plus alcohol being involved doesn’t help BAHAHAHA ….. Help please???