So Palm Springs Pride was this weekend and went to the parade and then the festival. It was fun to some level … For the parade I sat alone until I realized I was sitting in front of a friends mom so that wasn’t too bad and got beads and stuff from the people walking by and took pictures XD (which I’m going to have to upload later since I can only do one at a time through the app)

Then when the parade was over one of the high school kiddies I took with me to march in the parade came back, while everyone else was already on their way to the festival, so I took her with me to the festival and met up with all the other kiddies. Sucks being the only one 21 and over but 2 hours later my lesbian lover came and we got our drink on :P

With her there I felt like things were better cuz then I didn’t have to be responsible for the kids lol we walked around, looked at booths, but mostly spent the time near the karaoke booth because of the kids.

A little later we saw The Limousines which is an awesome band from San Fran and she even got a picture with one … After we got some food and some one came up to us and asked if we were bored that his band was goin to be playing in 30 mins and it turns out it was someone that went to high school with us but was her class haha so it was a local band and they were really good they call themselves The Lunar Atlantic.

But all in all I had fun, I know i complained about the kids a lot HAHA but if it wasnt also for them needing someone to give them a lift i probably wouldnt have gone to the parade and just slept in :/ haha so its a good thing i like helping people out XD but I wish I could have gone Saturday too but oh well there’s always next year :3

Where we are realizing that we have quite a lot of gay friends .. Like 33 and still raising .. Then I thought … What if we only knew like 30 straight people and everyone else was gay … O.o?? Hmmmm

And that was leaving work, i was talking to a fellow coworker and manager, we talk about random things after work whenever it usually is the three of us closing, but one topic lead to another and one was how one girl coworker (1) hangs out with another girl coworker (2) and that’s why girl coworker one may start “acting” more lesbian like because girl coworker two is “lesbian”. I corrected saying I heard she was bi, one said “same thing” and the other said “she doesn’t know yet she’s still in high school” this also brought up another coworker who’s a guy and is gay (at least from my understanding he is) but since he’s also in high school he can’t be gay, and this was said for both “how can they know if they never kissed so and so gender”. I felt shivers throughout my body, I mean seriously you’re saying this in front of me someone who is bisexual and has never done anything with anyone saying that its possible that idk who I like and that I’m still undecided, that my sexual identity doesn’t exist. I came out in 9th grade freshmen in high school March 13th of 2005 to my friends saying I’m bisexual and that hasn’t change since this day, all the complicated thoughts since i was little leading up to that point and still to this day of weather or not I should do IT, but choose to fight for myself because it is who I am.

I wanted to leave so I just said I was tired, after all I was just getting off work, but I didn’t say anything to them. How could they understand how it is to be queer or think differently , oh shit do I like the same gender naw it’s just a phase, uuggghhhh and tonight was just the perfect weather and setting to play some depressing music as I drove home. I hate my life sometimes but just got to stick it through. :/

manly just like 3 things hahaha but it was a friends last day and she is moving up north(still in cali) so …

went to one of the popular clubs here where i live called Zeldas (haha) which i should mention is a straight bar/club (since i live in the palm springs area and ive only really ever been to gay bars >_>) it was alright and tonight i guess they do it every friday night is have male strippers so you could say it was ladies night out there haha was pretty entertaining XD but they left and it was its regular club thing but the music could have been better…

then after that we went to a place called Showgirls…. well if you cant tell by the name is a strip club XD so it was a first being in one of those

and the last first was getting a lap dance :P got one from 2 different girls and i have to say my friends seemed more excited for me then myself XD bahaha but it was interesting wouldnt have thought i would ever go to a place like that and also get one …

so all in all it was a fun night drank, danced-ish, and got lap dances :D

and its just so weird to see the difference between a straight party and a gay party …. but the best kind of parties are nerd parties XD

Like seriously at a friends party that he invited me too and there are these 2 guys that I am meeting for the first time one is gay and one straight but the straight guy gets “Heteroflexable” whatever te fuck that means which I just found out what it means tonight and well the curse I would say is that I fall for the straight guys but can’t even feel anything for the gay guy lol I feel bad like maybe I could have gotten laid for the first time and lost my virginity but I am a hopeless romantic and just can’t see myself being like that … Even though the heterofelxiable guy was about to kiss me and I wanted to but I refused … Oh how I live a complicated life that I lothe :/ …. Plus alcohol being involved doesn’t help BAHAHAHA ….. Help please???

now my rant isnt for them to just go out with me lol but this statement has been brought up before back in HS and now just last night again too but this time i thought … WHY do you need to be gay to go out with me? You can be bisexual or even curious .. its especially upsetting when the friend you like is also in the group of friends perhaps like 5 guys that say they wouldnt mind going out with me but of course like i said “only if they were gay” …. they dont even say maybe if i also liked guys or something …. i dont know … for some reason being a bisexual male is unheard of and they dont exists.. this has been and will probably be the biggest challenge in my life … having people accept the term bisexual males .. is it so hard??? but then theres the whole other question of why would you pick me ??? im nothing special >=>